When I am starting to write about Bernhard Achterberg I am afraid that there are no sufficiently strong words to describe his unbelievable personality. Those who were happy to meet him alive will agree with me. And at the same time if I succeed to say everything I feel about our Bernhard those who did not know him will not believe me. They could accept these words as a usual idealization of a missing person.
I think, we Bulgarian psychodramatists, we could say “our Bernhard”. He started to come in our country in January 1992 to do psychodrama training and education of the group “Sofia-3”. In September ’93 in the opening ceremony of the III-rd Conference of PIFE in Sofia, I directed a play about European Community and Bulgaria. And Bernhard was this one of the foreigners who was really very eager to play a role. He took the role of Bulgaria and played it with deep understanding and respect. During his 19 visits in our country he became very much Bulgarian.
He was with us during the most difficult years of transition of our country. He not only informed himself, but really experienced and shared with us all our problems and successes, hopes and fears, enthusiasms and disappointments. He learned to read the Cyrillic alphabet to understand many and to pronounce some Bulgarian words. Even during the international football meetings he was for the Bulgarian team! But the most impressive moment was when Bernhard played on a flute the melody of a very old Bulgarian song – “You are beautiful my forest”. That song is a favorite of many Bulgarians. With that song the process of changes started in 1989. It became something of a hymn! And Bernhard learned to play it on a flute and he played it for us!
I will never forget his amazing ability to give deep feeling of support-very serious understanding conversation together with suitable jokes, smiling eyes, a sincere laugh and a large hug. And all these absolutely natural-as natural as breathing! I felt it so many times-discussing with him our actual social situation, or receiving professional supervision from him, or sharing with him my own personal difficulties or successes. I always had a very good feeling of mutuality and involvement. I am sure I was not specially privileged in this way, he was very open to everybody and this was his way to connect with people.
How to accept that a person with such a large and generous heart, so vivid and full of life is no longer among us?
Bernhard came to educate one of the three Sofia psychodrama training groups, trained by foreign trainers. „Sofia-3” was the only one of these groups to have the same trainer during the whole training. Bernhard succeeded to finish almost alone this big task!
But together with all that he supported very strongly the whole psychodrama movement in Bulgaria. He presented his professional experience and his philosophy to large audiences on open lectures many time. He directed unforgettable cross seminars for participants from all training groups. When we, Bulgarian trainers, started to lead our own training groups he was guest-trainer to all of them. I have never known Bernhard to refuse to work with somebody’s group or to do supervision. And for those who do not know I have to say-he did all this without any payment. As to all other guest-trainers I suggested to Bernhard an excursion in this country as a small compensation. During all these years he did not find time even for that.
Bernhard came to the Psychodrama Center Orpheus for the first time in September 1994 for direct supervision of our team. In March 1995 he came again, this time as a guest-trainer, together with his “assistants”-puppets. In September 1996 he presented at the open lecture in “Orpheus” his thoughts about “Violence: a humanistic approach to its understanding and to dealing with it”. In the next two days the all students of “Orpheus” took part in the cross seminar directed by Bernhard on the topic: “Dealing with death, illness, grief and loss in counseling and therapy!” Who could imagine in that moment what will happen in August 1998!
The last chance for “Orpheus”-students to work with Bernhard was on 24.05.97. Again unforgettable work! We expected him in August’98, but at that time he started another trip.
All co-leaders in “Orpheus” were his students from the Sofia-3 group. Maybe because of that, Bernhard was our constant supervisor. I wonder how he always found time to speak with us about our work-during his lunch or dinner, or walking on the street, accompanying him to his working place. Some of that supervision is very clear in front of my eyes. The last conversation with Bernhard in the Chinese restaurant in Diez, Germany, was not only supervision but very big conversation about the psychodrama movement in Bulgaria-I was happy to realize that there was somebody who knew everything about us and understood all of us.
I will never forget his very strong support and recommendation for the two Bulgarian Psychodrama institutions to become members of the Federation of European Psychodrama Training Organizations-Psychodrama Center “Orpheus” and Foundation “Psychotherapy 2000”. As always his support was very correct and with a deep respect of the dignity of the supported persons. During that FEPTO-meeting in March ’98 in Diez as usual I was in –between many old and some new friends and they were supporting us very much in different ways. But when Bernhard was around I felt that there was somebody breathing together with us Bulgarians.
This was my last encounter with our Bernhard Achterberg!
We miss you, Bernhard so much.
To be connected with you made our life much richer!
We keep deep in our hearts your lessons! One of them was:
“We have not to search the meaning of life. We have to give a meaning to life”.
Galabina Tarashoeva
In the summer of 1998 the world lost an extraordinary individual, and the psychodrama community in Bulgaria, and Psychodrama Center Orpheus in particular, lost one of their dearest friends – Bernhard Achterberg.